The day was a nightmare; I'll try to explain
the nieces and nephews and grandchildren came,
and grandpa and grandma had just spent the week,
this holiday dinner was more than unique.

The turkey was nestled all snug in the stove
as the moochers arrived at my door by the drove,
already regretting inviting this breed,
as their jackets came off and the children were freed.

They stood there and glared like a posse possessed,
just plotting and scheming some torture, I guessed,
then lo and behold, like a bat out of hell,
they turned on us grown-ups like some evil spell.

While setting the table I let out a shriek,
when a tiny white mouse from my gravy boat peeked!
Then pickles went flying and pies hit the floor;
I found a dead worm in the silverware drawer.

As soda was spilling and olives were tossed,
I thought about having my own holocaust,
poor grandpa and grandma were fit to be tied,
and hubby kept mumbling the word 'homicide'!

The dog ran and hid after grabbing his bone,
and I fled to the kitchen to be left alone,
the house was in chaos--beyond my belief,
when grandma cried, "Help me--I can't find my teeth!!"

I said they were soaking right next to her bed,
then gramps said, "Forget it...the woman's brain-dead!"
This started her bawling as bad went to worse,
I reached for the aspirin while chanting a curse.

While searching the house grandma sputtered and choked,
and I wondered which brat took her teeth as a joke,
but my thought was short-lived as a crisis arose,
someone's kid had a carrot stick lodged up their nose!

The turkey was done, so we sat down to eat
with poor grandma still sporting a look of defeat,
this Thanksgiving madness had altered her mood
for she hadn't her dentures to savor the food.

I dished out the dressing and to my surprise
a pair of false-teeth lay in front of my eyes!
I'd have left out the spices if only I'd known...
that the stuffing I cooked had a 'bite' of it's own!

~ Copyright Terry Lerdall-Fitterer ~


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