Welcome To Jerry's Haven &Tell Talks.
We are so happy you have joined us. We will be sending out a
newsletter once a week and touch on different subjects as well
as including some links, poetry, and all around Christian Fun.
If there is anything that you would like to see please do
let us know. We welcome any and all comments. (This page can also be viewed on the web at
Both Sides Now
By Bobbie Probstein
After my mother
passed away, my dad tried even harder to stay healthy and
active. Each morning, until the weather turned too cold, he
swam in the turquoise pool in the complex where he lived. Each
day--no matter how he felt--he swam one more lap than the
previous day, just to prove there was always room for
improvement. Every few days he reported the new number of laps
to me, pride edging his voice. I would answer truthfully,
"Golly, Dad, I don't know if I could still swim that many!"
By his late seventies, in spite of swimming and
working six days a week, my dad had noticeably dwindled in
strength and energy. By age eighty-one he was in poor health
and had to retire. He pretended he didn't need to lean heavily
on me for support as we walked slowly, and I pretended not to
notice. His mind was clear, but congestive heart problems and
disabling arthritis had worn him down. One day he said, "In
case of an emergency I do not wish to be kept alive by any
extraordinary means. I've signed an official paper to this
effect." He smiled his wonderful, broad grin and said, "I've
been blessed to have had your mother as my wife and you as my
only child, and I'm ready to go."
Less than a month later he had a heart attack.
In the emergency room, he again reminded his doctor and me of
his wishes, but I couldn't imagine - in spite of this latest
crisis - that he wouldn't always be saying, "Have I told you
yet today that I adore you?"
He was miserable in
intensive care; tubes seemed to come from every opening. But
my dad still had his sense of humor, asking me, "Does this
mean we can't keep our lunch date tomorrow?" His voice
"I'll be here to pick you up and we'll go
someplace special." I answered, a lump in my throat.
Dad refused to look at me for the first time in his
life and turned toward the blank green wall next to his
hospital bed. There was a painful silence between us. He said,
"I don't want you to remember me like this. Promise me you
won't, darling! And please go now - I'm so miserable."
That night, back at the hospital with my husband, the
attendants wouldn't let us in to see him. "He's having a
little problem," one said. "Please wait in the visitors'
lounge and we'll call you as soon as possible."
holding my husband's hand for about ten minutes. Suddenly, a
jolt shook me and I felt my heart stop beating. "Oh, honey," I
said. "Daddy just died. I felt it!" I jumped up, rushed down
the hall to intensive care and began knocking on the door.
"Let me in to see him," I begged.
"He just died a
moment ago," one of the nurses answered. "Please go back to
the lounge and we'll come get you in a few minutes." They
blocked the door so I couldn't rush in.
It had seemed
to me that this beloved man could never die. He had been such
a solid, loving presence in my life. In spite of what the
nurse had said, my heart refused to believe he died so
suddenly. I raged inside, believing I had let my dad down by
not being at his side, holding his hand and telling him of my
love as he had passed on. That's the way it should have
been, my inner critic scolded. You should have told
him how much you loved him, as he had always told you. You
should have been there for him. It would have meant a lot to
him. That's what you should have done! And I felt the
relentless heaviness of guilt mingled with grief.
Knowing I'd been an attentive and loving daughter
wasn't enough as the months and years wore on. Nothing made a
dent in my stubborn conviction that I hadn't been there when
he'd needed me the most.
Now a dream has set me free.
After a dozen years, my father came to visit me in a
dream and tell me his side of the story:
I worked long past retirement age, and when my knees just
couldn't carry me anymore, I felt disgraced by being so weak.
Most of all, I never wanted you to see me as a helpless old
man dying in a hospital bed. It would have hurt too much to
have you there. So I'm telling you the truth, my darling
daughter: I know you loved me as I loved you. And I did not
want you there at my death, and I did not want you holding my
hand when I died. That was what you wanted, not what I wanted.
My death was perfect, just the way it was. There are two sides
to everything - even
Grandma and Grandpa were sitting
in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and
reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to
Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first
started dating and you used to just casually reach over
and take my hand?"
looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged
hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a
little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we
were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly
kiss me on the cheek?"
leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering
kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still,
Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were
first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa
slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.
Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"
replied, "To get my teeth!"
2 cups flour
1 t baking soda
1 t salt
20 oz can crushed
pineapple with juice
Pour in greased 9 x 13 pan.
½ cup brown
½ cup chopped nuts
Bake at 350° for 45
About 15 minutes before cake is done,
1 cup evaporated milk or cream
½ cup sugar
1 t vanilla
medium heat and boil 5 minutes. Pour over top of cake
immediately after taking out of
Each week will offer our Members a
custom "Sig Tag, Web Set, Or Special Graphic"
free. This is only for our Mailing List
Members. This week's offer is cute web set you can use on your
web page or in your email.
to get the rest of the set.
Jerry's Haven N Tell Talk's is sent out
weekly if you would like to be added to our mailing list
please email me.
Jerry's Haven N