No Excuse SUNDAY
To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":
Cots
will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to
sleep in."
There
will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our
pews are too hard.
Eye
drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late
Saturday night.
We
will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I
ever came to church."
Blankets
will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for
those who say it is too hot.
Scorecards
will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites
present.
Relatives and
friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook
dinner, too.
We will
distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church
is always asking for money.
One
section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God
in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in
attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
The sanctuary
will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for
those who never have seen the church without them.
We will
provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton wool
for those who think he's too loud!