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1... There is no such thing as
child-proofing your house.
2... If you spray hair spray on
dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they
can ignite.
3... A 3 year-old's voice is
louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4... If you hook a dog leash over
a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate
a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman
cape.
5... It is strong enough however
to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot
room.
6... Baseballs make marks on
ceilings.
7... You should not throw
baseballs up when the ceiling fan is
on.
8... When using the ceiling fan as
a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit.
9... A ceiling fan can hit a
baseball a long way.
10... The glass in windows (even
double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling
fan.
11... When you hear the toilet
flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too
late.
12... Brake fluid mixed with
Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
13... A six year old can start a
fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man
says they can only do it in the
movies.
14... A magnifying glass can start
a fire even on an overcast day.
15... If you use a waterbed as
home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not
leak- it explodes.
16... A king size waterbed holds
enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches
deep.
17... Legos will pass through the
digestive tract of a four year old.
18... Duplos will
not.
19... Play Dough and Microwave
should never be used in the same
sentence.
20... Super glue is
forever.
21... No matter how much Jell-O
you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
water.
22... Pool filters do not like
Jell-O.
23... VCR's do not eject PB&J
sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
do.
24... Garbage bags do not make
good parachutes.
25... Marbles in gas tanks make
lots of noise when driving.
26... You probably do not want to
know what that odor is.
27... Always look in the oven
before you turn it on.
28... Plastic toys do not like
ovens.
29... The fire department in
Austin has at least a 5 minute response
time.
30... The spin cycle on the
washing machine does not make earth worms
dizzy.
31... It will however make cats
dizzy.
32... Cats throw up twice their
body weight when dizzy.
33... Quiet does not necessarily
mean don't worry.
34... A good sense of humor will
get you through most problems in life (unfortunately,
mostly in
retrospect). | 
