1. Motherhood ~~ If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! 2. Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results. 3. To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. 4. The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. 5. Avenge yourself ~~~ Live long enough to be a problem to your children. 6. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere ~~ and to let the air out of the tires. 7. The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot heads. 8. Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 9. Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds. 10. The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed. 11. Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car. 12. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 13. Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren. 14. A child outgrows your lap, but never outgrows your heart. 15. God gave you two ears and one mouth ... so you should listen twice as much as you talk. 16. There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it. 17. Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents. 18. You know the only people in this world who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any. 19. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm. 20. Oh to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am. 21. There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. 22. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. 23. Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers. 24. An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small children. 25. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? 26. How do you cope when the apple of your eye becomes a bone in your throat? 27. No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost. 28. The persons hardest to convince they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime. 29. Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights.