The Church
Supper
For the most part, church
suppers are occasions of festivity and joviality. Around
a table heaped with tempting foods, you will usually find an
atmosphere in which to appreciate the fellowship of friends as well
as to cultivate acquaintance with strangers. In such
cordial surroundings a church can often provide a spiritual
attraction, which draws others to share its society.
Like most good things, however, there are exceptions. A
banquet where no one appreciates the food can be a horrible failure,
or even if they have no appetite for what is offered to them on the
table. Actually, that’s what happened at the Nibblers’
Banquet. In spite of the delicious food and the cordial
welcome extended, the guests just could not enjoy
themselves.
Very careful preparations were made to
ensure the success of the Nibblers’ Banquet at the
church. The program committee went over the list of
invitations very critically to make sure no one was overlooked or
slighted. The cooks were instructed to spare no effort
in preparing a menu of delicious foods that would appeal to the most
discriminating appetites. The portions were to be
generous and satisfying. The seating arrangement was
carefully studied to ensure proper honor of eminent guests and to
prevent any unpleasantness that could arise from placing individuals
next to someone with whom he was not on speaking terms.
Despite all these careful precautions, the banquet was nothing but a
colossal failure. No one was happy.
To be
fair, one would have to admit that the guests themselves were a
queer assortment of individuals. It’s not likely that a
more unattractive group would ever assemble together for any other
occasion. Pastor Goldbell, the host, beamed a cordial welcome
to each guest who arrived. Although the response was
reserved, it failed to dampen his enthusiasm as he busied himself to
make sure that each person was made comfortable. After
prolonged waiting, Danny DeLay, the last of the guests arrived, and
they all gathered around the table to sample the delicious
food. Instead of eating the meal, however, each one
began to criticize and ask whether or not it was fit to
eat. Several complained that they were on a milk diet,
and had never eaten a meal consisting of meat and solid
foods. Some even wanted a bottle, or preferred to be
spoon fed like babies.
In analyzing the guests around
the table, it was noted that each one had some peculiarity that made
eating difficult. To say the least, they were all
undernourished, while at the same time, rejecting the food that was
offered. Mr. I. M. Nosey, for instance, was very sharp
featured and his nose resembled an elongated banana, which seemed to
protrude into his neighbor’s plate whenever he tried to show
friendship. Naturally, he was shunned because Awl Ears
tried to hear what everyone was saying and repeat it as
gossip. It was obvious that he got everything mixed up,
so he was regarded as being totally unreliable, in spite of his big
ears. Mr. D. Pest Gloom was continually airing his views
in the gravel-throated tone that depressed everyone. He
thought the young people were on the road to ruin and he just
spoiled any appetite that others may have had. His long
face and gloomy forebodings destroyed the enjoyment of the
occasion. Only Mr. Awl Ears paid any attention to
him.
One of the more distinguished guests appeared to
have fairly normal features except his eyes seemed as penetrating as
gimlets. When Pastor Goldbell noticed that he was not
eating his food, he tried to be sociable and enquired about his
name. The strange man replied with an icy reserve, “My
name is Doctor Rinally Wright. I specialize on doctrinal
gland and on brain issues. The health of people depend
on whether they are doctrinally right or not,” he said with
animation. “Then,” said Pastor Goldbell, “You are not a
heart specialist?” “No,” said Doctor Rinally Wright, showing
some irritation, “I am an authority on heads. I can take a
side issue and graft it into the brain issue so cleverly, that you
can scarcely tell it from the original issue. “The
Bible,” he said, “Says that all Scripture is profitable for
doctoring, for reproof and instruction. You see, the
head is very important in religion.” As Pastor Goldbell
studied the features of Doctor Rinally Wright, he noticed how
immobile they were. His mouth was so set, it would only
take one shape and size of food, which had to be prepared by the
doctor himself, and since it was half baked, it was so dry there was
really no nourishment left in it. Despite his clever
intellect, he was starving to death and yet he was so proud, he
insisted on being elevated a few degrees above his
neighbors.
Continuing around the table, one noticed
poor Sen Sitive, who failed to bring his shoes for some reason or
other, and he always seemed to think everybody was stepping on his
toes on purpose. Then, Gus Wagontongue was as unpopular
as ever with his perpetual gabbing. Humphrey Braggart didn’t
add much to the occasion with his egotistic opinion of
himself. Mrs. Frosty and Anne Icicle caused a lot of
people to complain of cold shoulders. They wouldn’t have
anything to do with Lotta Hotair, either. In fact, Anne
Icicle stayed as near the door as possible, but this didn’t prevent
her from pointing her cold fingers of scorn at everyone who looked
her way. Arty Fishal was the only one who came wearing a
mask and two suits of clothes. He said he always did
this when he went to church gatherings, because his face had some
bad scars on it and he didn’t want to be bothered changing his dirty
clothes so he just put another suit on over his regular
ones.
All at once, Goodan Choosey began to show
displeasure with the proceedings. Before the meal
commenced, Mr. Choosey seemed radiantly happy, but just before they
sat down, he furtively slipped into the kitchen. After
that, he refused to eat because he said he didn’t like the cooks,
and wouldn’t eat anything they prepared. Pastor Goldbell
was frustrated. From a practical standpoint, he knew
something drastic had to be done, or all his banquets would be
failures. He knew the nibblers were either sick, or too
finicky, or abnormal in some way or other. It was not
natural, so he decided to spend all his energy in finding the cause
and cure of nibblers. His research led him to a most rewarding
experience.
Pastor Goldbell discovered that I. M. Nosey
was a miner, so he induced him to invest everything he had in a
company incorporated under the name of, “Mining Your Own
Business.” Mr. Nosey discovered unlimited possibilities
in the venture and its success induced him to take Mr. Awl Ears in
as a partner. They’re still doing extremely well because
the ore they mine is almost all, personal profit. Sad
faced D. Pest Gloom was to be pitied, for he did almost all his work
in the dark until he seemed to cast a shadow everywhere he
went. Pastor Goldbell persuaded him to get out in the
light more and quit his night work, and from then on, he became much
more cheerful.
Goldbell almost gave up trying to help
Doctor Rinally Wright, but eventually he succeeded in getting him to
a heart specialist. It was found that the doctor was
suffering from an acute case of hardening of the
attitudes. His influence was so low it had almost ceased
to circulate. After a strong transfusion of love and a
steady diet of service, the doctor showed remarkable
recovery. He suggested that Mr. Sen Sitive could improve
his circumstances if he would always wear shoes made with a real
think skin. Gus Wagontongue was cured by an antitalkin
vaccine; made from the virus of his own words. It was so
bitter that Gus only had to take about two treatments.
Goodan Choosey is still partial to some cooks more than others, but
he decided that his own health was more important then finding fault
with the cooks. After Mrs. Frost and Ann Icicle got into
a warmer climate their reserve just melted away. Ann
wept copious tears, to think of how often she had given a sharp dig
to others.