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Twas the night
before Christmas and all round my hips
were
Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer
with care
in hopes that my thighs would
forget they were there.
While Mama in her my
girdle and I in chin straps
had just settled
down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the
pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang
from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should
appear:
a marzipan Santa with eight
chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy
so luscious and slick
I knew in a second
that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated
santa, those sugared reindeer
I closed my
eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On
Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of
the hall
now dash away pounds now dash away
all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head
to nightdress
my clothes were all bulging
from too much excess.
My droll little
mouth and my round little belly
they shook
when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I
spoke not a word but went straight to my work
ate all of the candy then turned with a
jerk.
And laying a finger beside my
heartburn
I gave a quick nod toward the
bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the
heavens I cry
if temptation's removed I'll
get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again
as I turned for the night
in the morning
I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!
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